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And I LOVED it. Then,
I used to humiliate the premies in turn. I LOVED
that too.
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David, Are you an ex-premie now? I only recently
found this website and have read only a smattering
of postings so far, but I do remember seeing
several (I don't recall their dates) which implied
that you were still a coordinator somewhere and
givin' 'em hell on the lord's behalf. I was in the
Chicago Ashram when you came there after
'Millenium' in 1973. Whether you are an ex now or
not, I sincerely hope you no longer traffic in
humiliation for the LOVE of it! One of the reasons
I left M in 1986 was due to my recognizing how he
used to put people around him down constantly, in
subtle and not-so-subtle ways. I used to go to the
Residence every day for several years, and was
around him fairly often. I don't ever ONCE remember
him complimenting or praising anyone. One time
there was a problem with his Mercedes that even
Beverly Hills Mercedes couldn't fix. They hadn't a
clue as to what was wrong even. So M was stuck. I
had an idea what the problem was, but I knew it
would be difficult and time consuming to fix. But I
loved the guy and wanted his car to work, and he
said to go ahead and try. I ended up pulling the
entire dashboard out of his $80,000 Mercedes, fixed
the problem the experts couldn't fix, and put it
all back together again perfectly. This took days,
and my body was sore from lying on his floorboards
the whole time. Do you think he was grateful? Do
you think he'd say 'gee,thanks, I can drive my
favorite car now'? No way. All he did was mention
the 'mess' I'd made while the work was in
progress.(the car and garage were IMMACULATE when
the job was FINISHED, however.) The tone of his
half-humorous put-down was hurtful to me only
because, I then realized, that I felt he was
spiritually superior to me. Then I recalled that he
almost ALWAYS put me and everybody else down after
they would make heroic efforts on his behalf. I
began to see that this was his way of keeping his
devotees in their place....always doubting
themselves and therefore needing him in their
lives. When I saw through this ploy of his, I began
to lose my respect for him. The final straw came
when I was invited to his new year's party at the
residence a few months later. There in his living
room, in the presence of about 35 people, he got so
drunk that he could barely stand. He would make
incoherent statements and slur his words in the
process. It seems everyone but me got a great kick
out of this! But I was frankly disgusted. This guy
wasn't fit to lead his own life, let alone the
lives of countless sincere people around the world.
That's when I quit for good. I continued to do
'service' at 'the residence', but only if they paid
me $25 an hour.....Which they did for over a year,
till they could find someone knowledgable enough to
handle what I used to do (which wasn't automobiles,
by the way).
Since leaving him my life is much more fun, free,
and spiritual, as WELL as more worldly. I've come
to see that there are no mistakes in the universe,
and that the time I spent following this guru was
NOT wasted, nor is he a 'badguy'. We all do the
best we can and we all (including M) learn at our
own pace. I do not envy M his opulent lifestyle,
because I feel it is a SUBSTITUTE for real
happiness. I sense that M is in pain, and has low
self-esteem. A person who is experiencing the
spiritual bliss of being alive to the moment has
zero interest in putting another person down, don't
you think, David?
And to want to HUMILIATE another? I can only say
that, for myself, I'd have to be living in my own
private self-created HELL to want to do something
like that now. So, in many ways, I have compassion
for M and what he must be going through, opulent
lifestyle notwithstanding. He seems to have
inherited the role of Perfect Charlatan from his
dad and is lost in an delusional world precipitated
by this form of child abuse he suffered early on.
And my worldview, when I came to him in 1972, had
me looking (unconsciously) for a loving
father-figure, to heal my very deep father-wound.
Together M and I made a perfect match to fulfill
one another's fantasies. I needed a leader and he
needed to be one......and in both of us, our needs
were rooted in self-doubt and low self-esteem. My
lesson in all this is to take responsibility for my
life and what I experience in it. This makes me no
longer a victim in any circumstance(since I'M the
one who defines what meaning that circumstance has
for me), and to not blame others, because doing so
defines me as a powerless victim (which was why I
came to M in the first place). So that was a great
lesson to learn and it only took 14 years....some
people may never learn it in a lifetime!
THIS IS A GREAT WEBSITE, ISN'T IT?
Love, Bob
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