How superficial and fragile these premie friendships have been. I often wondered that after so many years involved in DLM/EV I had so few friends. Because they days of getting together and talking about our experiences were halted. We were no longer valid, no longer important, just driftwood which could either flow in M's organised direction or float of into the unknown. Most chose to float away and forget this period when hope in their heart rose only to fall again when the guillotine of M orders came down the line. But it would seem that us from the 70s had already gone in a certain direction and to call this to a halt rather than clean it up a bit was the actions of a tyrant and the little hitlers around him who still had their pedestal to proclaim their own importance.

Yes I agree in the 70s sometimes you had to suffer ordeals when self-rightousness took over but it was a meeting of like minded people often very different but a spirit of hope was there. It seems that with all the stories that needed to be covered up the perfect plan was developed and that is here now. Satallite viewing in your own house and what a load of shit that is. No more social contact, no more laughs not as though in the last years did I see many but the hope died in me when these fucking sychophantic bureacratic yes men took over. I guess if I had been honest with myself this whole thing died in the 80s but I held on hoping that the spirit of the 70s might return. No we are expected to grow old isolated and cornered by fatboy and thank him for our life whilst keeping up the direct debit to the EV, people so they can waste the money on lavish hotel meeting talking bullshit and slapping each other on the backs. Smugness rules supreme amongst the premies and we are the big fly in the ointment who it seems are destined to cause psychic imbalance amongst our premie 'friends'.

To think in Banbury I put up with the patronising and condescending attitudes of our contact. He epitomised all I despise in the English middle-classes but I turned a blind eye to his 'corporate kindness'. It as though EV mirrors social developments so as not to attract unwanted attention.  Perhaps we should all get together and have some satsang man, fuck the premies and fatboy, that would really cause a bit of a stir amongst the controllers and perhaps even the fat controller might hear. Perhaps then I can say that I'm not fucking grateful to him but grateful to those that gave me love and kindness in this life and there weren't many premies who did that.