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Bjorn has just asked
me why I am into anti-propagation, when I got so
much from the practice of knowledge. A good
question I thought.
Wondered what everyone elses reasons were for being
here, since the hate filled one is so obviously a
caricature.
Mind you in premie terms, it probably is hate,
because any expression or discussion about anything
dark is negative and anti-life. Why would anyone
focus on such thoughts etc etc
The following is my post to Bjorn
Your post
''There are loads of exes who got plenty from the
practice of k, and who state it quite openly, if
anything I got more from it than I had hoped, and
my hopes were quite high.' why spend time and
energy doing antipropagation?'
There are a number of reasons for me personally,
can't state for anyone else.
Committment to truth.
Having been brought up by a buddhist inspired
single mother very committed to human justice and
truth, and having been inspired by that from the
start, I know I can't just switch off from it
because it's uncomfortable to face it/deal with
it.
I would much rather be doing other things with the
time I spend around this issue, (still a VERY small
part of my life, and greatly reduced during the
last year) but that would be too easy.
(1) I know for a fact that there are loads of
premies suffering from mental constrictions and
lila knots that they don't know how to deal
with.
A fellow called Bryn put up his journey on forum 7
the other day that explained why the ex-premie site
had been so valuable to him. It had been the
verbalizing of feelings he'd had for years but had
never found the language to express it with, that
site gave him the language to embrace the
courage/resolve to finally move on.
I know countless instances of others expressing
exactly the same sentiments.
(2) The realization that gm had no intention of
truly spreading the value of k, the time I wasted
hanging around, constantly making excuses for him,
and blaming the premies and EV for the total
failure to spread something I saw as totally
precious. In other words doing my bit not not let
him get away with it quite so easily as he had done
for thirty years.
(3) The HUGE waste of funds and energy put in by
premies thinking they were helping to spread k,
when mostly they were just enabling gm to act like
a kid in a sweetshop.
Did you know he's so committed to spreading k that
he will not do tours unless he's GUARANTEED $10,000
a day in expenses. I had no idea just how corrupt
he was til I read that, and had it confirmed from a
number of reliable sources.
(4) Finding out about the historical roots of k,
and realizing just how many lies I'd been told over
the years.
Parallel to this, reading about the follower of the
completely fake nigerian guru maharaji who posted
at the forum three or so years ago, who came upon
our site by accident, and had been having very
powerful, beautiful meditation experiences, and had
been attributing them to HIS guru maharaji who he
thought was the source of those experiences.
(5) This made me realize just how much those of
us who had gained a lot from k had been denying
just how much the pleasure we had had from k had
been purely our own focus & personal
'grace'.
(6) Hearing from so many ashram premies the
garbage and abuse they had taken from gm over the
years, especially those who had had regular
official meetings with him re ashram stuff, and the
awful health & safety abuse of the DECA premies
indulging in another of gm's whims and whipping boy
mentality.
Tied in with this was my realization at how
unjust I had been from my lofty spiritual perch
over the years with official premies, I owed it
them to do my bit for all my bad judgements. Again
tied in with this the realization that a lot of
them were VERY sincere in their practice over the
years, but had experienced very little, and weren't
just fakes and poseurs as I had always assumed.
Again I owed it to them.
(7) Reading the outright lies posted by EV and
gm about the historical route in the west he had
taken, and why the ashrams had existed. That they
think they can get away with that is outrageous and
an affront to too many people who knew completely
differently, almost on a par with soviet
revisionist history, even I never thought he could
stoop THAT low.
Also the fact that when people signed up to the
ashrams they had made a contract with gm, they
surrendered the reigns of their lives to him, and
his part of the contract was that he would enable
them to stay in the ashrams for their lives. He
broke that contract very soon after he was still
abusing people in meetings for leaving.
Last but very definitely not least, out of
respect for all those supposed bongoes, who were
totally committed to believing that gm meant every
word he said, but were either unable to deal with
the ashram pressure, or were unable to commit
themselves as much as gm implied they should and
felt unworthy, or just plain were getting no
experience and felt again from many things he had
said, that they must be unworthy, because the grace
wasn't happening for them.
If a group of no more than 30 ex-premies could add
up over 100 premie suicides, can you imagine what
the full figure is like, heartbreaking to
imagine.
Tied in with this was the kind of abuse that Jagdeo
got away with for years, the abuse that those
who've come forward have had to take from gm/ev
because of that which is almost more insulting than
the original abuse, the cover-ups for Fakiranand
etc.
Also the fact that gm could abuse his authority and
seduce premie women, and then dump them in a
horrible manner is appalling.
I could go on, but those are the main
points.
By the way I don't feel hate for gm, I feel a
mixture of righteous anger, and sadness for him,
for being so lacking in feeling and courage, truly
a little man, when he had everything going for him,
and a truly superb caring heartfelt bunch of
individuals supporting him.
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